Today I received a letter from my neurologist. She is leaving the hospital and I need to find a new physician.
Just when I thought I was starting to get answers.
To make matters even more confusing, my primary physician said she didn’t think that I had MS at all. She thought the lesion was caused by all the migraines I suffered over the course of my life. But she is not sure what causes all the migraines or how we are going to get them to stop.
I should feel like celebrating and dancing in the streets. Not MS!
Yet, I don’t.
If that is true, I have no hope of getting better, no hope of medication that will make the pain stop. No simple answer. Just a lesion.
People seem to understand my pain better when there is actual diagnosis attached to the lesion. When you say, “I have a migraine.” People don’t have sympathy. They don’t understand the severity of the migraines I get. They send me to the floor. They blur my vision. They alter my blood pressure. They make me puke. The cause lesions on my brain? They are NOT simply a headache. Not even close.
Tonight I had to take my contacts out because my left eye is hurting so badly. It has been doing that for the last couple of weeks. I hope it is due to allergies. I need to go to the eye doctor. I keep avoiding making that appointment because I’m always at the doctor. I’m afraid of what they may tell me. Blindness is one of the conditions associated with multiple sclerosis. The left eye is the one that went black. The left side is the numb side. The left eye is one that hurts. Notice the trend?
Some hope on the horizon. The sleep doctor I visited last week told me I had mild sleep apnea. I’m not obese and my tonsils are not too large.
So why do I have sleep apnea?
My tongue is to big for my mouth!
They fitted me for very sexy CPAP machine. Which makes me look like an alien. It should be here in 2 weeks. I get to wear it every night while I sleep. The sleep doctor and my amazing cardiologist tell me that I will feel fabulous when I actually breath while sleeping. They think that will fix my migraines and blood pressure issues.
So maybe I don’t have MS. Maybe my diagnosis should be big fat tongue causes patient to stop breathing while sleeping, lack of oxygen to brain causes migraines, pain from migraines causes high blood pressure, prolonged high blood pressure causes brain lesion, blurred vision, numbness/tingling on left side, and kidney stones.
Cure: CPAP machine.
Maybe I will dance in the streets. No MS. No meds needed. Just this alien suit CPAP machine nightly.
Well, I’ll wait till the machine arrives and I see if it works first. Then I’ll dance. And it will be like David. Undignified and full of praise for the good Lord above!
“Wearing a linen ephod, David was dancing before the Lord with all his might,…I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes.” 2 Samuel 6:14, 21-22 (NIV)